Brad Pitt: World War Z Super Hero or Run of the Mill Zombie?

GREG

Seen any good movies lately Rick? This summer there's only one film that doesn't meet my "wait until it's on Netflix" criteria and that's World War Z. Oh sure, every June there's another supposed blockbuster where some guy saves the world all by himself. Usually that guy's name is Batman. Or Will Smith. But in Smith's latest, the disastrous After Earth, he is 1,000 years too late to the earth-saving party; it's already been destroyed and everybody’s abandoned ship for another planet. At least that’s what I was told. At last count only 14 people had actually seen After Earth. I was not among them..

World War Z instead turns to Brad Pitt, the right dude for the role of world saver. I doubt Pitt even had to audition for this part. Heck, in real life he criss-crosses the globe saving people via humanitarian projects while still finding time to make movies and raise six children (or is it eight? I lose track) Stopping a pandemic that, according to the World War Z website is, "toppling armies and government and threatening to decimate humanity itself" seems like a typical day's work. Hollywood finally got it right in casting Mr. Jolie. Agree?


RICK

Not so fast! Thanks for your two cents on movies that now unfortunately cost $15 to see. I didn’t realize that the box office count for After Earth had now reached double figures.

Back to your take on World War Z. I’ve been waiting with bated breath for this movie to come out. But not for the reason you may think. I just don’t want to see the World War Z trailer and hear the phrase “Moscow is still dark” for the 83rd time. The truth is, this movie is actually Brad Pitt in a zombie movie disguised as a summer blockbuster.

Putting one-half of Brangelina to assume the role of “Savior-in-Chief” is akin to casting Shaquille O’Neal as a 7-foot tall genie. (Oh I guess that did happen - KAZAAM!) Pitt is a safe pick, but this is a zombie invasion movie... Greg, who would really be your top pick to play someone who is going to save humanity from the zombies?

GREG

Did I not make myself clear? My one and ONLY choice for this role is Mr.Chanel No. 5. Is your problem that he’s too good looking? Yes he has absolutely no physical flaws, unlike other “save the day” actors such as Smith (large ears), Bruce Willis (receding hairline) and Steven Seagal (can’t act). But that’s the whole point; finally we get to see a movie where Brad looks like Brad. Did you see 12 Monkeys? How about True Romance? Or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? This guy’s had more stuff done to his face over the years than any Kardashian family member, Bruce Jenner notwithstanding. Besides, the plot is so far fetched - even for a “zombie movie,” as you’re labeling it - that it’s only fitting for Hollywood’s biggest man hunk to snare the lead role. I don’t know how World War Z ends but I’m sure it will involve a stretch Hummer showing up to drive a perfectly-coiffed Pitt and his family past a pile of mangled bodies and on to a mountain top resort that, miraculously, escaped damage.



RICK

Greg, you bring up some great possibilities in that last dissertation you just gave. Seagal would be a great choice. Who has more experience in making awful action movies than him? He’s only 60 and Wikipedia says he lives on a dude ranch, so you know he’s in great shape. If not Seagal, how about Jean-Claude Van Damme? “The Muscles from Brussels” hasn’t made anything that hasn’t gone straight to video since 1999, but that’s all the more reason. He’s hungry! If you aren’t a fan of the action movies, how about Morgan Freeman? He’s played every role from God to the President of the United States, and he even drove Miss Daisy. Saving the world would be a piece of cake for a guy that drove a racist old Jewish schoolteacher around Atlanta in the 1960s. Brad Pitt may be believeable as guy robbing a casino, or a guy who ages in reverse in Benjamin Button, but not here. Oh, I got it.. Dolph Lundgren- he killed Apollo Creed in Rocky IV, and almost got Rocky. But I digress... oooooh how about Shaquille O’Neal?

GREG

Rick, I was going to invite you to the multiplex to see World War Z but only if you buy into the notion of Brad as world saver. Otherwise, I’ll bring my wife, who also thinks Pitt is a good choice. Imagine that! You can sit home watching your scratched copy of Kazaam while pondering what should have been. Come to think of it, that’s probably what Shaq is doing right now. Don’t get too comfortable; remember, it’s still dark in Moscow.